Lisa*, 35

PSSD makes me pass out and bothers me a lot

It's summer 2005. I'm 20 years old. I graduated from high school the year before. After that, there is a great deal of uncertainty as to what the future path should look like. The course you started doesn't feel right. Instead, I am applying for vocational training. The application process is exhausting. I was a quiet, shy child. Talked to parents, siblings, family and close friends. In other social situations, for example at school, I found it difficult. In the same year, the longstanding relationship with my childhood friend broke up. The grandmother dies. I don't feel good for a long period of time. This is noticeable in the family. I am advised to seek professional help. I want to do it right Contact the family doctor. He's referring to a psychiatrist. He diagnoses depression and anxiety. A combination of psychotherapy and psychopharmacotherapy with the selective serotonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SSNRI) venlafaxine is recommended. I trust the doctor. Find a therapist and start taking it. "The drug is said to be very effective. Any side effects are not discussed." Venlafaxine makes me tired. That's the depression. I have to wait. It takes a few weeks for it to work. I keep taking it. The tingling in the stomach stops. I can't cry anymore no more dreaming I have restless legs. Gaining weight. Several attempts to stop taking it over the next few years fail. Even if I take the SSNRI late in the day, I notice it. I keep trying. But it doesn't work. I have strokes and amnesia. It is said that antidepressants do not make you physically dependent. There would be no withdrawal. It's still too early. That is the underlying disease that would reappear. I live with venlafaxine. many years. At the age of 28 I check myself into a clinic. Get various other psychotropic drugs (including paroxetine). I do not want to any more. Question the treatment. I am advised not to stop the treatment. I'm going to do it anyway. I want to live without medication. I feel very bad. I can last five months. But I'm not feeling any better physically or mentally. I can not anymore. The family doctor prescribes another SSRI (sertraline). A new psychiatrist switched to fluoxetine (SSRI). I keep gaining weight. I am 30 years old. I find support through a peer-to-peer self-help forum. Again I try to reduce the medication. I do it in small increments over several months. I can manage a couple of weeks again. But this time the collapse comes with a time delay. I have severe vision problems, among other things. Another hospital stay follows. I will be switched back to a new SSNRI (duloxetine). I can no longer urinate properly. I am aware of sexual restrictions. I can no longer reach an orgasm. "I try to come off the antidepressant again. This time in milligram steps over two years. Towards the end it becomes more and more difficult. Again and again I stop reducing or have to go back a step." I find a psychotherapist who accompanies me when I stop taking the medication. Still, it's hard. I don't know if I can do it and I don't know what to expect. I'll continue. In the spring of 2017 I'll be drug-free. I am 32 years old. I fight. I'm do not feel well. But I want to persevere. It will take another year and a half before I slowly recover. My weight will normalize. The leaden fatigue disappears. My emotion ability is returning. I'm starting over again after over a decade of SSNRI/SSRI use. "But sexual problems remain. Worse even after weaning. My genitals feel numb. My orgasm is swallowed. A climax that only ends in muscle contraction with no satisfaction or feeling." The PSSD (Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction) makes me powerless and bothers me a lot. I'm trying to rule out other causes. The psychiatrist who prescribed me the antidepressants sees no connection. I don't feel taken seriously. Other doctors believe me. But so far can't help me. At first I was very desperate and angry at myself for having caused this condition through my decision to take antidepressants at the time. I don't want to shy away from responsibility, but I also want to get healthy again. I'm 35 years old now. In March I will live four years without medication. The symptoms described continue. My quality of life is severely affected. Relationships with partners are difficult. My sexual function has always been an important part of my life and personality. I lost something with the impairment, which fills me with great sadness. Some days I can deal with the situation better, but other days it's difficult. I basically keep the hope that it can still regenerate and try to support this as best I can with a healthy lifestyle. Besides my family, sport and music have been my biggest support over the years. At the same time, I hope that at some point the cause of the disease will be found and treatment will be possible. After many years, I have found a way out of long-term medication. From today's point of view, drug treatment would no longer be an option for my initial problem. Based on the experiences I have had, I very much wish that the treating physicians would provide more comprehensive information about withdrawal symptoms and possible temporary and persistent side effects before prescribing an SSRI / SSNRI, so that the patient can make an informed decision regarding treatment. It was very difficult for me to write and publish my story. But I hope my post can help raise awareness of Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction Syndrome.
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